For some, nookie in the dark is just how it’s done. The familiar becomes grinding in a black abyss or making love in the vaguely obscure – unknowingly, the encounter censors the brilliance of genital upon genital and skin against skin. Some may call it preferably routine, but I call it criminal. When you have something so complex as intercourse, so beautifully bold, it seems wrong to hide it all in the depths of a light vacant room.
Growing up, I would religiously read the pages of Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire, who would tell their readers that men preferred to have the lights on while having sex. For these men, the presence of light allowed them to more easily view the female form. Their female counterparts were noted as being fearful and hesitant to do so because the light would accent every bump, every line, every stretch mark. Little did they know that their men weren’t looking at these imperfections (which on almost every occasion, were imperceptible to the human eye), but rather, they were starring at their round assets and forthcoming “O” face. According to Cosmo, by leaving the lights on, men are given the impression that their female partner is confident in her body. Whether or not that’s actually true is only known to the lady herself.
Now a much older Cosmo reader, I still take some of their words to heart (most of their content, I admit, is pure bullshit marketed towards women without a clue and in need of a good vibrator). Their “lights on” advice specifically stood out to me, but not for the obvious reasons of pleasing a man and his undying appetite. Truthfully, I leave the lights on so I can see myself naked in all my glory. And course, a little light lends my eyes the illumination of his more enlarged parts.
But on the one occasion that I gave into the dark side, I found myself so underwhelmed sexually and yet, so overwhelmed by confusion. I knew who I went to bed with, but when the lights went off it was a mess of, “WHAT IS INSIDE OF ME? IS THAT A FOOT? WHO IS HUMPING MY LEG? BABY FRANK?!” Of course, it comes as no surprise that I got dick in my eye and cum in my hair, a protein-filled formula to put any skin care regimen to shame. I believe, however, that the absolute worst aspect of having sex in the dark is the inability to view your partner’s face. Admittedly, the darkness forces one to use his or her imagination. But when it comes to deciding between a visible view or an ambiguous roll around in the sheets, I’ll choose clarity any day.
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